Here is Rapid Wheelmen
member Jeff S.'s response to my "Century of Rain" post.
(A little background on the first paragraph is that I was recently elected as the Secretary of the bike club. Before anyone thinks that this was an accomplishment, let me remind you that I was running unopposed!)
I read a rather a disturbing account about a bike ride taken by one of
our new board members. I agree with Judy (yikes!) and think that
we all had known his true nature, then perhaps the voting would have
a bit different.
Dawn Patrol this week was postponed
on account of rain.
Duh, gee Mike, most normal people took that has a BIG HINT!
He continues with...
Not having enough sense to come in
out of the rain, I went out
and did a Century ride in the freezing rain (I rode from my
house to the N. Park St. bridge, then out to the end of the
Musketawa trail and back.) There were more than a few times
where I didn't think I was going to make it without calling
for help, and if I'd had a SAG vehicle, there were a number of
times when I would have SAG'd out!
Now this paragraph shows some promise. He realizes he has
little common sense. He realizes he should have stopped and
help. He admits he would have stopped had there been a SAG
At this point he seems rather normal.
But did he stop here? Noooooo... there's more to the story...
As it turned out, water was getting
into my raincoat pocket
where the cell phone was, and the cell phone died, leaving me
with no choice. It's amazing what one is capable of
one has no options! :)
What a beauty! We can learn soooo much from a paragraph like
For example, it demonstrates just how wacko these young kids are now
days. Ya see Mike, there are these "things" scattered though out
country called PAY PHONES. They were very popular before some
invented the cell phone (or as I call them "One of those annoying labor
saving devices that if it goes off while I'm lecturing will cost you 20
points" devices!) Don't let the name "Pay Phone" fool ya though
Mike...you can make calls on them even without money. You can use
with calling cards, you can use them for collect calls, and you can use
them to call 911...and in this particular example you could have done
just that and then honestly explained to them what you were doing, and
stated that you had lost your mind...after which they would have come
and picked you up in a pretty, white truck, dressed you in a warm, dry
jacket (with extra long sleeves), and put you to a cozy, padded room.
And the saga goes on...
Around the 20 mile mark my
"waterproof" Gore-Tex gloves were
waterlogged (they're a pretty old
pair - I need to get some
of the stuff for re-waterproofing
Wow...simply wow. Mike..read carefully here...if your
gloves are waterlogged, it's God's way of letting you know that it's
only gonna get worse if ya don't stop.
And guess what...
Around the 50 mile mark I
could no longer feel my toes. Around
75 mile mark I couldn't feel my fingers, either.
See...what did I tell ya! (actually, I can relate to this
was on a field trip once (aquatic insects...November...snowing) and my
hand were so cold I couldn't untie my waders. Unfortunately, I
had to pee like a race horse and the only other people anywhere near me
were two females also in the class. I had to ask them to please
my waders, as well as "assist" with my other clothing...but that's
The chronicle goes on...
I stopped at the D&W on 4
Mile and went into the bathroom and
ran my hands under warm water
until I could feel them again.
walked around the store until I could feel my toes.
In the produce section they had a
dispenser with samples of
apple cider, and I drank three
Personally, it sounds to me like you had already been hitting the
cider...the hard cider that is.
Again...pay phone Mike...I'm sure they had a pay phone.
But on you went, as does the yarn...
Feeling a bit recovered, I got back
on the bike and headed on.
My water bottles were empty, but luckily around the 85 mile
mark my route took me by a friends house, where I stopped and
refilled them. He laughed at me as I wrung a pint of water
out of each glove.
I'm no lawyer, but I think your "friend" could be brought up on charges
of aiding and abetting a rather bizarre ( and thankfully failed)
suicide attempt. And I'll bet it was one of those nervous,
laughs like people do when there just trying to appease some one
they're really worried about, or terrified of...(you be the judge in
About 10 miles from home, I started
to bonk in spite of having
eaten three packages of instant oatmeal and two Clif bars.
Boy, let me tell you...after 90 miles of riding, I too am
stuffed after three whole packages of instant oatmeal and two
one...but two!) clif bars. I mean I can barely stuff a tic-tac in
after that much food and that's even if I'm just sitting on the couch
watching a DVD of the Tour, let alone actually riding.
On you went...
I kept it together long enough to
get home and use the compressor
to clean and dry my chain, and clean the bike a bit.
Ummm...I don't mean to upset ya Mike...but you were so far from
"having kept it together" by this point, that it's almost not
mentioning. But I have to admit...before you did anything else
tended to your bike. I am totally impressed. There may
still be hope
for you yet. But then again, any sane person would have tossed
bike in a dumpster, opened a nice cold beer, stood in a nice warm
shower while drinking the beer, and then urinated on their frozen feet.
Luckily we headed out to eat
immediately after that, which got
some brain fuel back into my system.
And if you didn't do what I suggested in the preceding paragraph it
only proves that this was "too little, too late".
The "Pacific Trail" rain pants
(they're not Gore-Tex, but they
are similar) that I bought yesterday worked great. No water
got through for the first 75 miles or so, and they breathed very
You do realize that this is like saying "Ya know, my boat only has
small leak in it, so when we're done fishing at the end of the day it's
only 3/4 full of water!"
The best part of the
ride? It put me over the 4,000
for the year! :)
Well at least it was for a worthy cause, even if anyone other than
fellow bicycle enthusiasts would truly consider you nuts for having
done what you did.
All kidding aside Mike, Great Job! Really. I wish I coulda
and if I had a better feeling knee, and if I knew in advance you were
gonna do it, I (and I'm sure many other proud bike nuts out there (ie:
Bob)) would have.
And finally he concludes with....
PS: Bob, I *STILL* think
that riding a Century Ride in your
on a trainer is crazier than
doing a Century
Don't worry Mike, as any of us who have also ridden with Bob can
attest, compared to him, you're little exploit makes even a typical
George W speech seem logical and full of nothing but facts.
Again...congrats and good job!